oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize