Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
