So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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