you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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