if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
