Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Randomize
