weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
