Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
