Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
