My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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