but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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