He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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