He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
