okay pat passed out under dana's car
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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