I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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