So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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