why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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