i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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