the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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