____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Damn victory sex feels great
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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