The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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