well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
