So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
