if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
