Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
