Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
