But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
