We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
