New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
