We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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