I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
