I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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