I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
