There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
