I want to have your abortion
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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