I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
