So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
