i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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