I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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