dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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