She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
