i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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