I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
