...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
