If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
