hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
