I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
