how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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