I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
