I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
