Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
