So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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