Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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