ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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