we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
