In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
