I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
People in love make me want to vomit
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Be still, my beating vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
