FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
