It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
