It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
