Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
