ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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