The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
