I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
how drunk are you?
Several
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
