He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
