i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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