His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
