eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
