He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
