I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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